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Editor’s Notebook: Tulip thieves deserve withering reproach — 05/17/12

<p>Leif Nesheim</p>

Leif Nesheim

I would like to report a heinous crime on my block.

For the past few weeks I have been reviving my seriously neglected lawn.The re-seeded grass is coming up green and the little ornamental garden, with it’s lilac bush, herbs and flowers was actually looking rather nice. Somehow a single tulip found its way into the garden amidst all the weeds.

I had left it and and a handful of the other decorative plants remaining after I pulled the weeds and covered the dirt with a weed barrier and cedar chips. I didn’t plant the tulip. It wasn’t there last year. But there it was. My wife and I were eagerly watching it’s progress and anticipating it’s full blossoming.

Then, the crime was committed. Somebody cut off the tulip’s head. It was a clean cut. Swift. Merciless. Dr. Joseph-Ignace Guillotin, couldn’t have done it more efficiently.

We didn’t see the perpetrator, just the aftermath of his or her handiwork. The stump of the tulip rose futilely from the garden looking like something from Morticia Addams’ greenhouse. The tulip was there one day and gone by breakfast the next.

Initially, I dubbed the crime a tulip-napping. But, upon further reflection, I’m thinking criminal tresspass, theft, vandalism and malicious mischief better fit the bill.

The police routinely visit some of my neighbors. I’m pretty sure it’s not tulip related … though you never know.

I’m quite sure burying bear traps to capture or deter future garden vandalism is illegal (I’m not sure why; I’m certain that might serve double duty by keeping the neighborhood cats from defecating in my yard too).

Maybe I’ll just hook up the ol’ video camera to the motion sensor light from the porch light to catch the next crook in the act. Sure beats sleeping in the truck to catch cultivation criminals.